Marching for Women Isn’t the Same as Living With Them

prettysari1-2I have a challenge for all those who claim to be for women.

Being for something has always sounded a little smug to me.  A person or persons bestowing their consent, agreement, and communal commitment to advance an ideology or construct; this sort of royal blessing has always left a metallic taste in my mouth.  Many today are in the streets claiming to speak for me, you, and anyone whom they’ve decided to give a hand out of time, money, or attention.  Do these women and men actually represent women?  Do they speak for women?  Do they care, beyond rhetoric or pomp and circumstance, to do more than just be for women?  My challenge to those who are for women is to be with them instead.

Let’s be honest here…being a woman (and I don’t mean someone who just feels like one, because feeling like something isn’t being it) is definitely its own world.  Being a woman is about more than having a vagina, breasts, and a poor sense of direction while driving.  Whole person(s) come out of ladies.  This is amazing to me!  As a Christian, birth has special significance for me.  Regardless of belief, life, and being able to give life is at the dear heart of womanhood.  No man at age 12, 18, or 45 can possibly understand how that colors one’s life and future.


Then we have the whole genitals thing.  Connecting sensations to places your still learning to understand even – after sex education classes, girl talk, and even lovers; our sexual organs resonate throughout our bodies and the clitoral system is proof of this.  Sharing this part of ourselves, the flower of our being (I’m aware this sounds very romantic and cheesy), with another soul is indeed a deep and treacherous thing for our hearts, bodies, and minds.  No matter how independent and progressive we pretend having multiple sexual partners is, the truth is many women long and crave to free their bodies sexually in a way that can only be accomplished when your heart has truly been earned by the other worthy person.

In being for women we still accept some horrible circumstances for them.

We encourage our young girls to revere celebrities whose looks are completely manipulated but “speak up” for whatever cause du jour is agreed upon.  I’m sorry but actresses/actors are people who pretend for a living.  Musicians, athletes and even politicians who speak women’s rights but can’t even keep their own families together, are folks who I think we should be wary of looking to for inspiration.  If you’ve ever had to be filmed for anything you know, if there’s a screen, there is at least some part that is contrived.  Famous women giving lip service to women’s causes, because by virtue of fame alone, they have the power and importance to bestow their wise and formidable opinions all over the place and have us admire them for it…is complete BS.

We don’t empower young women to respect their own bodies.  After Aretha Franklin sang about RESPECT it seems to have gone out the window when it comes to our bodies.  The “free love” movement was definitely not orchestrated by a gaggle of ladies who decided overnight that the way to equality was through having sex with a bevy of unkempt hippy dudes.  Somehow these dear women who have grown into bitter single mothers forgot to mention that perhaps female empowerment comes not from denying your husband or spouse sex during marriage, but from picking a mate that is consistently worthy of your sex in the first place, no matter the political issue.

We don’t encourage women to be wise about their bodies.  When women value their own bodies – a special wisdom that grows from cultivating her own innate awareness of the functioning of her body – it would go a long way toward lowering STD’s and unwanted pregnancy, while having a countenance that doesn’t come from talking points and botox, but from knowing because we exist as is, in our bodies, that we are worthy.

“Can we talk?” as Joan River’s would say…about abortion.  Sisters I am not here to tell anyone what to do but can we all agree that there are just too many abortions happening?  If you’ve ever had surgery or a significant medical procedure then you know having an abortion must not be a walk in the park.  A patient with a digestive disorder who keeps eating something aggravating and eventually has to have repeated surgeries, clearly is self destructive and doesn’t respect their own body.  Women who have repeated abortions have to concede they are making some rather bad choices in their sex lives (the patriarchy made me wear these panties to this booty call).  Instead of pouring monies into bad patterns and low self-esteem (15 year old girls learning safe words), why not be actual aunts to nieces, sisters to our sisters, friends to our girlfriends, and neighbors to the neighborhood women in our lives?   Let’s actually physically be there for each other as ladies and encourage self worth (not self worship via false empowerment agencies like Planned Parenthood or some “spiritual center” hustling feminine enlightenment by steaming your vagina)!


Instead of being for women, I challenge us all to be with them again.

Women, let’s not let our political, religious, and theoretical differences separate us from discussion and debate.  Women don’t need thought police, we need to talk one-on-one/face-to-face and celebrate thinking, pondering, considering!  We need to enjoy the intellectual debate and the feminine teasing that brings out far more than offended feelings and fake safety, but brings out our camaraderie, strength, and purpose.  The conservative housewife may have much in more in common with the female liberal advocate than we think.  But if we let those who profit off our division continue to pull the strings of modern day feminism, we may one day loose far too much.

We don’t need to unite around “Mother Earth,” embrace The Virgin Mary, or discover our “inner Goddess.”  We just need to remember the woman we may be for may not need us to be for them, but with them.  When there are the real times, the times when we need more than an app, someone clicking “like,” or a comment beeping at us from afar…reaching out to uphold the beauty of femininity with a friend, sister, or niece – though sometimes awkward, is better than a lackluster ideology behind sexuality, gender, and yes, even our genitals.  Being a real women means trusting our own minds, making choices about being honest with other good women, and taking the time to cultivate meaningful relationships with other women…especially ones who may not agree with us on every issue.

I am a woman and I will be with you ladies.

In humble femininity,


P.S. I read an intriguing article recently by a guy who travels the world and had some thoughts about femininity worth reading.


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